Solitude
by Renald Sadamoto
Summary: Let us find our little galaxy behind these bars of solitude.


There was a house in Oerba Village. It's safe to say that the house was anything but simple. It was made from sturdy woods, bricks and irons. It was a miracle that the house could stand still after 500 years of abandonment. I remembered that night. It was a full moon, a very bright one. This village was illuminated by the silver light. It created a solemn yet melancholic atmosphere, coloring this 'colorless' village with some mystical ray.

I was alone that night. I think about everything and nothing. I felt so tired yet this body of mine refused to rest. My eyes were heavy but I had no desire to sleep. This journey was draining me physically and mentally. I never said that I lost all hope; in fact I clung to that hope to keep myself from despair. I tried to make myself believe that I could change my fate… to make my dreams came true.

I kept walking and suddenly found myself in front of that simple house. The door was gone for God knows how long. Slowly, I held the hilt of my gunblade in case something unpleasant popped out of nowhere. But there was nothing inside. This room was empty, save for some dusty furniture and an old bed.

I walked inside. The floor was creaking in this silent room as I stepped on it. I saw everything I could see and touched everything within my reach. I walked pass a rather big bookcase. The books were arranged neatly, I dare to say that the owner must be an avid reader. The books were old until I couldn't decipher the title. I kept walking past the bookcase and staring at those unreadable books in silence. I continued to stare and think… think about life, about hopes, about dreams, about future, about her…

"Oh, you're here".

I spun around and saw a red-headed girl sat on chair next to the window. Her eyes were shining bright under the moonlight. Those emerald eyes, I must admit, were truly beautiful. It was deep, _mesmerizing_...

"Patrolling again Light?", she asked. Her usual, high-pitched voice was gone. She sounded calm, collected and somewhat mature.

"Not really, just sight seeing", I answered coolly. I rested my right hand on my hip and stared at the girl.

She smiled softly, "And did you find something interesting?"

"I found emptiness", again I answered coolly.

She kept smiling… and sadness slowly crept into her beautiful face.

"Emptiness is bitter yes? You can't find anything or anyone within sight", she sighed softly and turned her head. Her eyes narrowed when the moon's ray touched it, "This place is so big yet it lacks color".

A colorless world, she said that once.

"The world without color equals nether land I guess…", I spoke quietly.

"Have you ever been there, commander?" , she chuckled softly.

"That was a metaphor", I answered smoothly. Seeing her happy again, _even if only for a moment_, made me kind of relieved.

Yes. It was her smile that I secretly adore.

That red-head girl patted a chair next to hers, "Sit here, Light. You are not standing all day, are you?"

I shrugged and walked over to her. When my back hit the back of the chair, I inhaled softly. I could feel that the girl was looking at me, "You're not sleepy?"

"Should I be surprised to hear that question from a person who always sleep _only two hours_ every night?", she asked me back, with a little hint of sarcasm.

"You're surprisingly sarcastic tonight. Something hit your head?", in this small space, between the limited shades of light, I could see my reflection on her eyes.

"Well, having Fang as a friend for a long time has its benefits", she answered with a smile.

I raised my brow, "And where is that friend of yours now?"

"Probably sleeping. She's too tired to open her eyes", she answered while swinging her legs.

"She must be cold now", I remarked casually without looking at her confused expression, "Because she doesn't have you to be her pillow for the night".

She laughed. Yes, laughed but not too loud. I could feel shiver ran through my spine when her voice entered my ear. I savored her laughter; I enjoyed her beautiful and flushed face. Clearly, she was embarrassed and fortunately, she took my words as a joke. And then, she hit my arm playfully with her tiny fist.

"That was priceless, Lightning. Glad to know that you still have a little sense of humor", she said between breaths.

I rubbed my arm. I couldn't help not to smile when I saw her flushed face. After everything that happened on her life, she could still maintain her innocence. At first, it was annoying to have her around. Partially because she couldn't keep her mouth shut. But slowly, I lost my annoyance toward her. Annoyance turned to comfort… and comfort tuned to something else I didn't know.

Or did I?

"It's nice to have someone to share a smile right?", I snapped out from my reverie when her voice crept into me. I turned around to see that she was looking at me. She still had this smile on her face, a beautiful smile which able to make thousands of flowers withered in shame. Viridian eyes were staring at me, full of innocence with single touch of grace. A 500 years of grace that will never fade.

"Yes it is", I answered and realized that I haven't breathe for a while.

She took my hand and grasped it tightly, "I wish…", she had a catch in her voice, "I wish we can change our fate".

I kept still. I didn't do anything to reply the gesture… _yet_ , "We can, and it won't take long to do that".

She gave me a weak smile , "Sure. Always stay positive eh?"

I shrugged and took a deep breath. A depressed Vanille sure was depressing, "Life is too short for remorse. Don't waste it, just move on…"

"Just like you?", she asked softly. I nodded.

Yes, just like me. I quit being a weakling just because I want to escape the pain from losing my beloved. I made myself stronger, colder… distant.

I was strong, yes, but my strength was not enough to keep my sister slipped between my fingers.

"Lightning…", she spoke slowly. For a brief second, I felt a cold hand on my cheek. It was hers. She was touching me and making me to face her. Dear God, what now? Why did she do this?

I tried my best not to flinch under her soft touch. But in reality, I was too weak to ignore it.

"You're always alone, aren't you Lightning?", she gave me a rhetoric question.

I pursed my lips.

She brought my face closer. Slowly, vanilla scent was overflowing my senses. I blinked and stared deeply into her eyes. I could see this weird glint inside those viridian pools. I wonder what it is. Was it pity? Was it sadness? Empathy?

Or… longing?

"You're alone too", it was obvious. Truly, she always looked happy but who would have thought that she always cried at night? And who would have thought that she always had this distant stare when she's alone?

She had always alone. Drowning in sadness and hide behind the mask of cheerfulness.

I didn't know what I was doing. I was too lost on her… on me. I gave up my reasons to hold back. Logic was leaving me alone and all that was left just a piece of instinct. My doubts and my fears are gone when I had this girl around my hands. To feel her pouty lips on the tip of my fingers was enough for me to realize about what I want.

_I need her. _

And when I saw her eyes, I realized that she had the same feeling toward me. There was love, respect, sadness… everything gathered in those eyes. She wanted this… _we_ wanted this, but somehow it was difficult to said it.

"Let me ease your loneliness", I murmured softly on her cheeks before kissed it. She shivered but didn't say a word, "I will be your sanctuary for tonight".

"Lightning…", she sighed and wrapped her arms around my neck.

I closed my ears, I didn't want to hear anymore reasons. My reasons were long gone when I saw her here, sitting alone in this lonely room. I was overwhelmed by the sudden urge to touch her, to feel her. To feel her slow yet steady breath tickled my skin had its own excitement. To have her body tensed under my touch was like a miracle. I gripped her shoulder firmly but not too hard. Lovely woman as she is, tenderness was all I need to take her closer to the edge. I kissed her eyes and she flinched and gripped my collar more tightly. She sighed softly while I gave her kisses all over her face.

The tension was rising, the heat was unbearable. I tried not to do anything more than kiss her, but it was just too much. I need this girl tonight. There was no room to argue or to reason. My sanity began to crumble and replaced by something primal.

"Light...", her voice was cut short when I sealed her mouth with mine.

It was soft as predicted. Soft like a rose petal. Fireworks were crackling behind my eyes and blinding me with every shades of color. She let out a soft moan when I bit her lower lip gently.

I seduced her and she seduced me back. As wrong as it was, it felt so right.

"Light, please...", she gasped and pulled away. Her lips were swollen, her cheeks were flushed. I saw a glint of tears on her face. She cried in silence it seems. Did she regret what we had done?

Because in every possibility, I didn't regret it. I fact, I want more...

I stared at her and she looked away.

"Please... don't look at me like that", she pleaded quietly.

"Like I care".

She shook her head and glared at me with a bewildered expression, "You can't! I can't do this with you. I..."

I interrupted her speech... more or less, her denial, "Have someone else to love, same old reasons hm?".

She pursed her lips and closed her eyes. She knew what I said was true, but she didn't gave any remarks to reply it. She looked like she was running away.

"But we're alone here", I said, _and maybe we only have this moment_. In this room of silence, both of us were slowly drowning in our desires. It only took a moment for us before disappeared into nothingness.

She shook her head. Slowly and somewhat reluctantly, she backed away from me. Her hand that clutched my collar was gone. Cold winds blew across the room and caressed my skin. I heard her footsteps echoed in solitude. She walked away and left me here, alone. She was scared to admit that she had the same thinking as mine. Oh my dear Vanille, when will you stop running? Was it good to live with denial?

I sighed and slowly walked into the bed. I took off my boots, my cape and my jacket. The bed groaned softly beneath my body and a thin layer of dust flew into the air. Night was getting late and I was trying to have some sleep. The memory of having her lips on mine was replaying in my mind. Her touch, her voice...

And then, she ran away just like that.

She ran and hid from me. I smiled bitterly; she said we couldn't do it? That was a lie. She made it obvious when she kissed me back. She wanted me. She _needed me_... as I needed her.

And I wasn't surprised when I saw her standing in beside me.

She had this serious expression on her face and I swear, it suit her very well. Her eyes were piercing me with its sharp glaze. Her lips pursed like a fine line. Her body glowed mystically beneath the silver ray, beautiful beyond words. I took a moment to savor this feeling, to look at her face. For the first time, this obvious girl had this unreadable expression on her face. I couldn't decode the secrets behind those gleaming eyes. Well, maybe I could, but I wasn't sure.

I got up from bed and stared at her casually, "Yes?"

"It was wrong...", she said quietly. Eyes down and hidden behind those reddish bangs, "Kissing me was wrong, Light".

I laughed sardonically, "Why did you come to me?"

Silence. She was trying to say those unsaid words, but no words came out from her.

"How can you be so sure that _you could ease_ my loneliness?" , her words were dripping with bitterness and she tried really hard not to lose it. Her body began to tremble, may it be from anger or confusion.

"I just know" , I answered her question smoothly.

She chuckled, "Are you sure Light? What can you do? You don't..."

"I will love you", I cut her words. She glanced at me, eyes full of confusion... and sadness. I cleared my throat and prepared to say those words again.

"I will love you. You have me, even only for tonight. You may forget me tomorrow, but tonight...", my voice trailed to whisper. I walked closer, leaned in to kiss away the tears on her eye, "Tonight... let me love you".

"Lightning, you're a fool, you know that", she whispered hoarsely. I put my hand on her back and she arched her body closer to mine. She put her hand on my shoulder, massaging it briefly before her fingers landed on my shirt's zipper. She fiddled with it a while before pulling it down. Her expression changed as every inch of my skin exposed to her. It began with admiration then turned into a frown, probably because of that accursed mark.

"Your time is running out, Light",she spoke softly.

"I know", I answered flatly.

She leaned closer and dipped her head on my chest. Her lips felt cold on my bare skin. I shuddered and tighten my hold on her. My eyelids felt heavy but I didn't want to close it. Slowly, I raked my nails along her back and received a soft groan from her. Slowly I traced her body and memorized it. Memorizing her body, her softness were the least thing I could do to create memories about her. We would not have another chance, not after tonight...

Let us have our moment, Vanille. Tonight, where tragic turned into magic, let us drown ourselves inside this tide of desires.

And maybe... just maybe, we could find our little galaxy, where we could share our dreams and talk about unsaid eternity.


End file.
